How quickly can you sign up Jackie Chan?

I read this as “dank universe” and I’m sticking with it.

But then the ending doesn’t test well with audiences, so the studio meddles and the movie now ends with the statue giving a big Ending of Terminator 2-style thumbs up with said new thumb while winking directly at the viewer.

Is there any chance the warrior will promote a blockchain of immutable tortures? 

Scene in a greenhouse, where the killer statue has to deal with years of growth. “Green thumb trumps red!”

“In a world... where warriors are made of stone... one man... finds out that stone... never dies....”

Working title: Terror-cotta: The Fingering of Michael Rohana.

I saw Cruise as the risk-taking museum curator in a race against the forces of the supernatural and, I dunno, Channing Tatum as Philadelphia’s Michael Rohana.

That’s mostly already the plot of the Mummy.  The good one I mean.

It practically writes itself: “The Mummy-2: Karis’s Revenge”, with Tom Cruise as the selfie taker.

It’s got to be some kind of CASK OF AMONTILLADO-type scenario inside a Terracotta Warrior.

One of the big ones. Like a dictionary in a language professor’s office.

I thought it had something to do with tickling.

You left out the part where the statue came alive, went on a hunt for its missing finger and killed the guy who stole it by jamming a spear from anus to mouth.

I hear the Chinese have a particular form of water torture that might be severe enough.

As a former archaeologist, I hope the guy has the book thrown at him. 

Have his thumb chopped off. And the guy who does it gets to take a selfie. That should wipe some of that ‘I can destroy priceless artifacts that are the heritage of all mankind’ privilege off of him.

This movie will be lost in time, like tears in rain.

Congratulations, you are officially too intelligent to be an evangelical Christian.

With a heavy does of stupidity, since the “real” Samson (assuming he existed) would have been pretty damn brown. It’s a source of continual amusement to me that white American Christians routinely think of (and depict) Biblical figures as being Caucasian.