Excuse my French but:

See its that kind of past-andry that makes a sugary-american like myself feel unsafe walking down the street.

Alright laaaaadies, did I hear someone's sex needs maintenance?

:p

No, talking about grade of booze not how it is acquired, but I can see how that could be described as a new rock bottom.

theirs a K-mart vodka? you have just lowered rock bottom for me.

Oh my god, that is perfect! The only way it could be better is if it was made from a re-purposed hamburger phone.

Reservoir of funky fresh flow.

to be fair my list would be:

have you tried touching the penis?

When drawing do not forget the sine nodules or the ventex matrix.

Maybe you could have done it like the Futurama episodes Amazon Women in the Mood or Into the Wild Green Yonder where you awkwardly add prefixes like "Fem" to words.

In order to be a proper mens rights post you have to include at least a little hatred towards women, most likely through feminizing your target. For example:

My first time I dry humped my mattress until I finally achieved release. Since my mattress laid on a spring frame and I shared my room with my older brother it was pretty much the most inconsiderate thing I could have possibly done ever.

As I have a penis (edit, and identify as male) and spend an inordinate amount of time happily reading Jezebel, I'd like to thank all of Jezebels readers and writers for not making ham handed threats of deadly violence against me. Or as most people call it: acting like a normal fucking human being!

He's a bit black for any assault on his person to be considered a crime, maybe the officers should have to sit in a corner for a few minutes? With full pay of course.

not even dealing with the politics of this, all my amusement is for the "I'm getting to old for this shit" look on the guards face.

ladies and gentlemen, the Konami code of the female orgasm: http://www.ohjoysextoy.com/doxy/

The Hitachi may be a classic but I recommend joining this century and getting a doxy.

Also check out Gizmodo's sub blog Indefinitely Wild, its got a lot of good info and awesome dog stories.