“make our program great again.”

Holy fuck that is fitting.

Sadly, he had no idea what to do when he reached third base

I suppose the pigs in the helicopter are still off limits though, right?

He’d actually be a Star there.

How long until he’s a Dallas Cowboy?

You can’t say “goddamn” on Deadspin!

Grandpa Simpson agrees.

I keep getting emails about extensions. They always go to my junk mail, which I guess kinda makes sense, since it’s regarding my “junk.” But you’d think they’d go to the “Penis” folder I created. Why isn't my Gmail filter working? Wait, what were we talking about?

He locked up the gig for 5 years? The Mexicans are taking our jobs!

Hmm...maybe if he knew somebody who specialized at throwing objects with accuracy and velocity at a target almost exactly 60 feet away, that person could knock the drone out of the tree...

This certainly calls for his best brushback pitch.

Depends how you look at it — some say the Warriors are experts on choking.

I think Sprewell showed that Warriors players do in fact have a history of grabbing things by the throat.

The judge assigned to Draymond Green’s case is named Richard Ball. I am not making this up.

I don’t think he’s their buddy, guy.

Perhaps if they get scooped by the internet on something massive, they’ll decide to shift towards live coverage going forward

Here’s the million dollar question though: As you say, lots of people say All Lives Matter and don’t mean it in a racist way. What is “a lot”? If it’s a majority, are we to say “sorry majority, your cool inclusive phrase shouldn’t be said, because a minority of people say it to be racist”?

I’m black and... nah. All lives matter bro, I don’t know how long it is going to take for our community to realize that you don’t get equality by rallying around our differences.

I don’t think it really had anything to do with how good he was at his job. To Paterno and his cult just the revelation of it would have hurt the reputation of the football program and all the “good” that the program brought the university and community.