I forget which actress or model said something to the effect that, past a certain age, you can keep your face looking young or your ass looking young, but not both; Simmons has made his choice.

(Sees LAX bro’s jersey read as “Ballbuster”)
(Tries to think of a smarmy joke about LAX bros)
(Can’t)
(Wikipedias "Zima" out of curiousity)

This is the most explosive Man U have been all season.

I wish.

It’s to ensure the batter/runner touches the plate.

Can you attach a gas mask to that bat weight?

You’d think the Indians would know to protect their scalps.

you can't spell fun without an F and a U, bro.

See America. This is what a smug, profane, egomaniac in Washington, DC looks like.

I don’t know why he was fired. I thought he was killing it.

Making cuts like this is never easy.

“We’re home.”

Horse’s really are athletes!

It is a little too late for the Hawks to start getting defensive about Game 2.

He sure hit the ball forcefully with that base mallet of his.

Appling later claimed the loaded weapon was to be used for skeet shooting.

Also, congratulations to republican and businesswoman, Carly Fiorina, who just cut the overhead of the Cruz campaign by 100%. That’s how you turn around a company!

How is this shocking after last season? No one wants a choker to be their closer.

Here’s to hoping he comes back healthy and motivated next year