Thanks, Generalissimo Exposicion!

It's like watching the end of Last House on the Left, only for kids!

Motherf***er!

I'm not hearing a no …

They'll kidnap the Secretary of the Interior to help read the secret code in the Gainesburger box top.

Can I live with you forever?

Golds? In a box?

But will it? No.

Aw, man …

But Mom lets us stay up after 10 … and gives us cookies and Muscatel and Newport Lights …

No, Uncle The Caffeine Spider! How did they die? Was it bloody and horrific or slow and tortured?

They're bringing in dead mice, dead birds, catnip …

Double feature it with "Tommy and the Cool Mule," starring Ice T, and you've got an evening of pure bliss.

Yup. From cancer. In 1998.

And today's internet winner is …

First time I saw the trailer, I thought it looked like a hot pile of pander.

But didn't those schools also teach that Russia was a threat to The American Way, and not America's Bestest Friend?

Ah, The War Game. A knock-about of pure fun, that one. The frothiest observation of governmental hubris and poor civic planning you've ever cringed through!

C'mon, kids …

Bob Newhart is not allowed to go. Never, if only for the fact that his best friend is Don Rickles, who is also not allowed to go.