Then you wouldn’t remain the president of CMU for very long.

Filed to: LIFE LESSONS

I can’t read this article through the tears after I watched that super short ant movie.

If the goal is simply to prevent foreign kids who don’t make the grade from being trapped in a country with no way to get back home, isn’t the easier solution to just require the clubs to pay relocation costs when cutting a foreign signee? Seems like that accomplishes the same goal without penalizing the (admittedly…

What a cunt.

Ashley Feinberg is a national treasure and her move to Deadspin has made the site 22% better.

Counterpoint: The absence of fat running backs makes the already-great fat guy touchdown that much more special and better.

In 1996, sure. But in a post-sugar-tits racist Mel Gibson rant world, it’s tough to look at it in the same light.

False. Arrogant Bastard is a good beer with a mean name.

I have not followed this story at all, but this might be the first time that somebody has ever called for a game to strip features out and package them into a DLC.

And the transformation from loveable losers to fucking annoying jackholes is complete.

On the one hand, me neither. On the other hand, I presume it’s pretty much the same process as hosing dirt off of a sidewalk (or rinsing off a dirty plate if you’re a city dweller). There’s a water sprayer and a dirty butthole. It can’t be that complicated, can it?

Perhaps a great, or even good, man needs these products. But the Adequate Man does not.

Because strippers get mad when you try to stuff coins in their g-string.

Ziggy Palffy was awesome. For a bit, he played on a line for the Kings with Jason Alison and Adam Deadmarsh that was incredibly fun to watch.

In fairness to him, the shot was deflected by Derek Morris, who is another guy I remember.

No. This is the weirdest story to come out of any sport in a while.

Counterpoint: Daniel Tiger is fucking horrible.

“That former player, Tevin Elliott, is serving 20 years in prison for his 2014 conviction for sexually assaulting her.”

Yeah, but what the hell kind of Prince waits tables at the local restaurant anyway? He should do his duty and join the Neighborhood of Make-Believe’s armed forces.