Roxanne! You don’t have to put on that red hat.

Won’t anybody think of poor Phil Pritchard?

I think after the parade, none of us will ever see Ovechkin or the Cup again.

“WAS HAVING SEXUAL INTERCOURSE WITH BOYFRIEND WHEN HE PUT PHONE AND MONEY IN VAGINA”

Depends on how many channels he got.

Penis: COAXIAL CABLE

“SWALLOWED A PEN BECAUSE NO ONE PAID ATTENTION TO HIM”

Thankfully the pregame beef didn’t involve Mayfield grabbing his beef.

Charge of The Lite Beer Brigade

I’m fairly certain had I had the same amount I would have imagined myself saying that as I lay face down on the sidewalk unable to walk.

Hunter Strickland is not a starting pitcher. Do you watch baseball?

I think everyone on this thread is related, because my family had an obsession with both St. Jude and St. Anthony. I still whisper a little prayer to St. Anthony when something really important has gone missing and the old boy has never let me down.

When I got married, my florist was a big Italian guy named Al who looked like he should be in the Sopranos. He asked me what flowers I would like to give to the Virgin Mother and I told him we weren’t doing that in our ceremony (my husband would have tried to make me laugh, and being nervous I would have. It wasn’t a…

St. Anthony! How could I forget? Ha! My Mom actually owned a (supposedly actual) relic of St. Jude. A bone chip. No joke. It’s still in her house somewhere.

I would not only eat that, I would wear the perfume.

People are wrong. It’s not weather that’s messing with our mood; it’s the fact that he’s been elected president. I’ve been exhausted since early November.

The amount of energy that it is taking to not go off the rails every time Trump tweets or opens his mouth is goddamn exhausting.

I’m not building that fucken wall, you icehole.

Listen, if they wanted to know specifics about how things were run the person they should be talking to is the Specific Manager.

What do we want?!