You’re not a horrible person. Your comment really boweled me over.

Ladies and gentlemen, she’ll be here all week!

When transporting human intestines via commercial air, I always go for a bile seat.

Personally, I laud this agent for having the intestinal fortitude for the job.

That’s a lot of punning to digest.

I’ll be the larger person and say: fair play.

Sadly, any evidence is now tainted by chain of custody problems and any tests would be excluded as “Fruit of the Poisonous Intestine Tree.”

its tough dealing with the tripe you get from airport security

It takes guts.

“In case of emergency, oxygen masks will drop down in front of you. Please pull the mask down toward your face and place the mask over your mouth and nose and not over your dead husband’s intestines. If you are traveling with your dead husband’s intestines, please attend to yourself first, then your dead husband’s…

You know that moment where you are like no, no, I really need to buckle down and get my work done and then you are all- a quick scan of Jez won’t hurt. Lesson learned.

im usually fine with transporting human body parts, but for some reason im finding this story hard to digest

I need Miss Jay to handle this one.

Pretty sure God hired him for all heavenly pronouncements, because even God was like “Damn, he sounds authoritative as FUCK”.

So then his orange complexion is the result of eating Cheesy Poofs non-stop thoughout his childhood

GET. IT. MARY. BERRY.

I’m Chinese-American and a friend of mine has a cat named Chairman Meow. I’m not even mad.

A Tortie that tunnels! What a beauty! I had a KiKi tunnel Tortie and miss her so. Tortitude!!

She is a little bitch 99% of the time, but I love her madly.

If you name your cat that, you will win the Internet Awesomeness prize next to the guy who named his pet pig “Chris P. Bacon”. or the cat named Princess Monster Truck.