Awesome. Also are we married?

I’ll use it. For you.

SO MUCH BUTTHURT

QUEEN.

God this is some funny shit. I just watched it twice.

I love that Josh Charles has become a recurring actor on Inside Amy Schumer

As someone with no kids, but the person people call when they need a break (or you know, to take care of your kid for 18 months while you work out some things), the answer is yes. Then no. Then yes again. And then they leave home and you cry about it. Mileage may vary.

I call them my Carnival Tent Shoes.

This is 100% accurate. It is apparently a desire beyond the realm of reason to want a pair of athletic shoes that do not look like Grandma's orthopedic Velcro sneakers AND YET also does not look like Lisa Frank's wet dream.

I’d have to smile for all 26.2 miles to combat the pain. They’d be chasing me with butterfly nets by Wellesley.

I always hate this “Men worked, women didn’t HISTORICALLY” shit. Like, if you know anything about how, say, a pioneer household worked, everybody was busting ass sunup to well after sundown. Go ahead. Churn butter. See how easy THAT shit is. And that was ONE JOB.

Damn you, Fred Rogers, you just made me burst into tears.

I still have regrets about turning down an invitation to the weird kid’s 9th birthday party. No one went. I felt guilty about it the next monday morning and still do to this day. That shit stays with you.

When it comes to dealing with the world’s assholes and atrocities, I live by the words of Mr. Fred Rogers.

For fucks sake. When I was young, even if I didn’t want to go to a classmates party, my parents dragged me there anyways. Some days aren’t about you. Plus, you get cake. Go to the party!

People don’t want to be judged on the basis of their sex, he told The Associated Press in an interview. Asked whether it’s time for the U.S. to have a woman as president, he said: “I think that’s a sexist comment, and shame on you for being so sexist.”

“Historically men worked and women stayed home”

Did he dip your pigtails in the ink well?