No, look. Shut up. The human heart can only hold so much love. It’s basic science stuff. And if you really love and care about your family and Jesus like Republicans do, then you don’t have enough room left to love anyone else. Cause Jesus takes up a fucking shit load of space in the human heart. That’s another…

“the ultimate form of child abuse.”

I put away 20% of my income into savings per year and I’m still like ‘it’s not ennnnouuuuughhhh’.

Ugh. I’d like to ask him what he thinks Donald has done/will do for veterans.

Deep poverty and chronic illness, in a red state that has dismantled the social safety net.

I have only felt true contentness once in my life. It was the right combination of tequila, good company, spicy burritos and that getting off of work in the middle of the afternoon free-ness. I been chasing that high ever since with more tequila and spicy food.

This, all fucking day. My partner and I had a baby back in August, and while things are different and more challenging we’ve made a conscious effort to not divert our lives drastically. We created a life and it is now part of our lives, we are not a part of hers. Being a parent is hard, regardless if you’re the Mom or…

If your name is a reference to what I think it is, we are now best friends.

Perhaps DT is afraid because Mike Pence told him he might get pregnant that way.

Any statement on sexual assault from Donald should begin with “I’m deeply sorry for all of the times I’ve sexually assaulted women” and should end with his resignation. Otherwise, shut the fuck up.

I really miss all of the old school journalists too. Deeply.

46 is going to spend all their time putting new rules and regulations on the Office of President. They won’t have time to do anything apart from clear up after Donald and Ivanka. By the time 55 comes along no one will understand why we needed a law banning the White House from endorsing handbags.

One thing this last 6 months has shown...is that just how much of our governance is simply tradition. Qualified people wouldn’t do such things because it would hurt their reputation.

Its an outrage. I’m calling my representative in Moscow.

It’s deep, butthurt, racism. And they call us snowflakes. LOL

Unless you’re taking about slavery. Then it was 1,000 years ago and everyone should shut up it’s over!

Seriously. Why the fuck do I have to pay for his testicular cancer screenings? Why do I have to pay for anything that doesn’t affect me directly? I pave my own roads and teach my own schools and put out my own fires too! I AM AN ISLAND AND MY ISLAND HAS NO MAN-PARTS.

My favorite Tweet so far...

We’d better get Captain Louis Renault on this...