Fetuses and soldiers are viewed in a similar way by the republicans / right wing: When a fetus is in the mothers tummy they are the most important thing in the world. Once that baby is born, the right wing doesn’t care if they die in a gutter. When a soldier is at war they are the most important thing in the world.…

would you like to place a bet on me ever leading a story on Jez with Kim again because i’ll win

Personally I like when Jez pretends they’re sick of things they continue to cover ad infinitum

Ew.

They were on tape.

Can I borrow a couple of bucks? 

$130,000.

Me, too!

I came for this. Was not disappointed.

Did Putin show an ID when he bought Trump?

Just watch, all these people, who go to the grocery store all the time and know he is wrong, are going to suddenly remember the one time in the past ten years they wrote a check or got carded for beer and say “He’s right! You DO need an ID to get groceries!!”

Umm no they’re super cool because they’re into weed and porn. Just ask them.

Nothing says respect like wrapping yourself in a flag blanket while you eat popcorn and fart on your couch.

Oh no, we looked way less cool than this.

they look like babies! Is this what I looked like with my first boyfriend at 15???? 

“The decision was Jacob and I was completely mutual. We are both happy and remaining friends.”

Fuck, can you imagine how incredibly awful it would be to have to put out a press release when you broke up with your freshman year high school boyfriend?