She honestly should have hired Hurley to open the show. Can you imagine the press? And Hurley can still wear the dress.

If his name is Ray Kelvin, why is the brand called Ted Baker? WHAT DID HE DO TO TED????

It’s Karl Lagerfeld. He’ll just switch to human skin. 

Does ANYONE truly think he “writes” anything rather than fingerpainting in his own feces on the iPad?

Come on. It is ENTIRELY possible for a man to get away completely with beating his wife and neglecting to provide financial support, and have it have not the least impact on his business. That is the absolute business model for an awful lot of American capitalism.

I’ve worked in all kinds of cafes, and I did once see a guy thrown out of a Starbucks for watching porn, thank GOD. Waves had a guy who sat there watching porn all damn day and they never did anything. I bitched about him on Twitter once, he visibly started, shut down his computer, and left. Guess he follows me.

This has been a paid announcement by the Butter Lettuce Farmer’s Association, who is definitely not over by the romaine in the produce section with spray guns of e. coli.

The fuck is a jukebox musical?

Do you think these women have values higher than appearance? 

“In England they have sixty different religions and only one sauce.”

Dude also visited Portland, Oregon and was horrified by “ANTIFA violence”. Dude should basically never leave his mother’s basement.

Is this even in question? It’s been happening for decades. The only shocker is that it appears to still be occurring. 

RIGHT?

You left out his book. Critics loved it, if I recall.

It still exists, but now it's in the comments, run by commenters. 

Soon, that will be Ivanka’s job Every DAY!

A bath should be exactly as long as whatever you’re watching, and boo sucks to the roommates who want in.

One word: CARMILLA.

Forgive the copypasta:

Because he operates like a gangster, and he has undoubtedly promised them the Earth. And he will screw them over, same as he has done to everyone, his whole life. I can’t wait till he fucks over Roger Stone, because Stone will flat out kill him.