Actually, that’s probably enough. There have been many articles about how cheap it is to buy a spy nowadays. In the old days they wanted mistresses in the South of France and private planes. Nowadays they want a snowmobile and a week in Tijuana. You can thank the erosion of the middle class and the stagnation of wages…

His name literally shortens to Jawohl. I’m just sayin’...

You wonder why they didn’t watch that accident and think “Hey, I found something that can smash down walls” which is a good thing to have in war.

Come on, the very first thing Trump did was take a call from Moscow.

The real food is Not At Bella’s House, duh. LOOK at her.

I can’t even imagine who would pay money to look like that. She’s like an Ice Capade Hooker.

It must have been a decade ago that Christopher Hitchens did six thousand words in Vanity Fair on how easily such machines are hacked. And the SAME MACHINES are still being used.

I’ve been a polling clerk in Canada, and we use paper ballots, and it’s easy. If you want to systematically steal an election, voting machines are the way because you only have to hack the machines once. They do all the rest.

I’ve got a terrific recipe featuring castor beans, ideal for serving to Donald Trump, but it takes about three days to make. 

I had a gingerbread house making party one Christmas, and when it ended we were all delighted with our little houses but puzzled about what to do with them, because we’re all single and couldn’t eat a whole one. So we donated them to Children’s Hospital and we all got VERY excited thank you notes. One of the guests…

Well, consent is not such a barrier if you just up and ASK, homeboy. Jesus. 

Empty? She got exactly what she wanted. My relatives are these people. Making their own decision about voting rather than voting as their ancestors have for generations is entirely foreign to them. The ONLY thing that could radicalize them was if one of the candidates actively opposed Starbucks, or Lululemon, or…

Kendall did exactly that.

You can get a Tribeca condo for $60,000? Suck it Vancouver, I’m moving to New York!

She has three puppies from the same litter, and their parent, the one with all the freckles.

That kicker is golden.

I do not get Dakota Johnson. She is so basic. Like, she’s the person you’d get for a role if you thought Sandra Bullock’s stunt double was too glamorous.

A friend of mine was her driver when she was in Vancouver on a project, and he said she was just a nice, sweet, professional Southern girl who was always ready for pick up at 5am and when she got in the car at the end of the day she’d ask where he wanted to go for dinner, and then they’d go pick up a bunch of his…

That family is famously screwed up.

Marie Kondo does not live in Canada. In fact, there are very few places in North America where you can open a bedroom window with impunity every single morning.