I saw this the other day and I def think this should be the new naming strategy:

I felt weird explaining to my Chicago family that Irma had done most of HER damage before getting to us. Even though I’d used “his” when speaking about Harvey’s havoc, using personal pronouns to describe nature’s disaster and chaos is really starting to bother me.

Why don’t we name hurricanes something scary like:

Maybe do leg day, instead. Those are some scrawny stems.

Grapefruit it?

Well, hey, wasting food is a bad thing. Might as well get out that melon baller after you’ve meloned your balls.

Also, canteloupes are, like, $2.99 each, and I’m pretty sure if you’re fucking it then it’s single use. It’s probably more cost effective to just get a halfway decent fleshlight.

Lol! I remember playing with one of those things as a teenager and speculating about whether guys put their penises in them! Now I know.

It’s very generous of you to think that we are smart enough for that. However I see this going horribly wrong. Like hot pocket scorching the roof of your mouth kind of wrong.

Yes, we all know ladies never stick anything where it doesn’t belong.

Or c’mon, microwave a canteloupe or something.

I think we got a winner here...

The question “can I fuck this?” should always, for people with a penis, be answered “no!” if that thing is totally inflexible. There are rigid cock rings available, but they are made to go over the balls as well, which gives you more room to work with. Anything rigid that’s just big enough to fit your dick in is…

The very first vacuum cleaners had the propeller just 2 inches down the hose to make repairs easier. They quickly changed that.

There’s a year-end list compiled by a consumer safety group that chronicles those...incidents, as well. Rectum? Damn near killed ‘im.

Look, once we can fuck our phones, nobody’s ever leaving their houses again.

Pretty sure you’re joking, especially because the venn diagram of Trump enthusiasts and Aronofsky viewers has as much intersection as Aronofsky/Jeff Foxworthy.

Right, because that really destroyed Hamilton and Rogue One.

Darren not enough people here to maintain a pun thread.

I guess everyone went to see some mother movie instead.