I can’t be around people who chew with their mouths open. Can’t do it.

Joke told to me not long after my divorce, 15 years ago:

Please don't text your ex. Never text your ex.

Good lord, thank you. Even if this was all consensual and cool by all parties- now that she’s pregnant and reality set it? Time to blame her. Because you know, our bodies shut it down if we don’t want it.

I'm really depressed by how delighted I am that the police did their job.

The best part is I get shit for this name all the time and it’s just the first thing that popped in my head while setting up this account. I actually rather like goats.

ngl, I’d vote for Claire Underwood instead of Hilary.

I have totally noticed the vacation skin thing — is this where blue light therapy comes from? I am tempted to try it because holy fuck I'm 30 freaking years old and I'm tired of dealing with this bullshit.

If the Kardashians bring more recognition to the Armenian genocide then that is only a good thing, it’s taken a long time to get this far and some allies of Turkey are still avoiding recognising that it was a genocide so they don’t upset Turkey.

As a man, I can confirm that that is an accurate depiction.

To be fair, you guys make an exceptionally cute couple.

Killin’ it, Jia. Thank you for this.

See? Men are just TOO emotional to be president. What if he gets into a spiteful bad mood and launches nukes or something? Men have such delicate feelings and just can’t control them, the poor dears.

The Bare Minerals rep who helped me buy my first kit a million years (okay, like 7-8) ago was the first person to show me the magic of E/3 contour motion with their all-over face color. As someone who ghost-pale white where she's not bright pink, learning to add a hint of color over the spackle-like color of…

As A White Person, Please Let Me Inform You Why Your Experience And Also Statistical Findings Are Wrong Because I Want Them To Be.

I have a short, growing-out-pixie-almost-bob and care nothing about Haim and yet I was riveted by this article! Nicely done.

All birth control pills I have tried have completely killed my libido and have also contributed to painful intercourse. So I basically don’t have sex. On the upside, I haven’t accidentally become pregnant. They’re working!

I think asking an anxious new parent if they “have the guts” to take on a challenging parenting technique is, by definition, being an asshole. The only adequate response to any pediatrician who asks such a thing is, “No. I’m a pussy. Now show me some empirical evidence of what is best for my child.”

Worst place I ever got sick was camping in the Sierra Mountains with my family. After a week of camping, on our last night, I was struck with a really nasty stomach bug. We had spent the afternoon drinking margaritas, so when the first wave of nausea hit, I thought it was the tequila. But no. How I wish it had been…