This isn’t new, it’s just new technology. Back in the day, I sent a carrier pigeon who ended up getting lost and flying west instead of east, and the result was a beautiful, long, sustained pigeon-exchange. We celebrated our seventeenth anniversary in August.

Jesus Christ, yes. Fucking nobody gets educated about what hymens actually are.

When I managed a Borders we were also responsible for this small calendar kiosk on the other side of the shopping center. I was there covering someone’s lunch break and this crazed woman came over demanding why we had no bichon frise calendars. The dog calendar people were always the weirdest.

I think I might be dead now.

We need a mandatory high school class in workers rights in this country. Like the year that you’re eligible to work you attend a class where they talk about minimum wage, hourly pay and wage theft, sexual harassment, workplace injuries and your rights in regards to them, and all the other crap that can happen on the…

I would do anything for meatloaf, but I won’t do that.

The first story is one of the few BCO entries that has wrought real, cheek-reddining anger in me. The fucking marker thing!!! Do Sharpies even write on monogrammed thermoses?

Maybe this is where I am too lenient on service workers, but to this day I don’t understand how a single hair can instantly ruin all food within a 3 foot radius. I get that it’s gross at a primal level, but what exactly does a strand of hair do that is so threatening and offensive that it can’t simply be removed and…

I understand the fact that Starbucks, by nature of serving so many people, is going to have many horrible customers. However, why must the employees deal with so much crap in a magnanimous manner. I just don’t understand why Brad is required to put up with so much crap from an obviously shitty customer. Why can’t…

I love the disparate ways in which abortion is referred to on this show - “operations” and “scrape jobs”.

I was assaulted by a movie goer who felt she shouldn’t have to wait in line behind the 300 people who arrived before her, so she trampled me to get into a theater that wasn’t prepped yet. Thankfully, she also obstinately plopped her ass into the seat of her choice and refused to move. That made it easy for us to get…

I’m in RI and it’s the same deal here… alcohol only in dedicated “package” or “packie” stores. And the liquor stores aren't allowed to sell anything that could compete with the grocers, like limes or anything else you might reasonably need, like milk for your White Russians.

You know what’s fucked up? I tended to be a lot more, for lack of a better word, manly in my work dealings. Direct, unapologetic, etc. I’m a middle manager in my own right, and I kept being hauled into my boss’s office because the other male manager had issues with the way I was doing thing.

Once, an 8-top of Christians left one of those “Here’s a Tip for You!” pamphlets on my table, in lieu of a cash tip. I was sort of used to this, so I didn’t remark much, just tossed it into the bus tub with the rest of the debris, and a glower.

I’m a little late but here goes. I worked in a Gay Dennys in Arizona and soon after gay marriage became legal, I had the most adorable elderly couple of men, one white, one black. They were seated at the counter and had on these beautiful leis. I asked if I could feel the real flowers and asked what the occasion was.…

That first one is basically the most New England burn ever.

1. Salty Mainah: It’s kinda more shady that sick-burn, but I was born in Maine; my parents are “from away” (both from Michigan, actually, but they met in ME). I grew up in a very small town with lots of local characters, straight of central casting. When my mom was really pregnant with me, one morning she was in the…