So that’s what the blowhole is for.

18th and 19th century ladies clearly had the equivalent of a porn buddy...someone who, in the event of your death, would quietly sneak over and dispose of anything undignified before anyone else goes through your things.

Oh yeah, I took all the tags off (otherwise I’d look ridiculous, HA!). My kids loved it and wanted me to put it all on as aoon as I showed them, and told their teachers I was going in costume. They’re 4 and 5 though, they’re not old enough to be embarrassed by their mom in a silly costume... yet!

Here’s evidence. I went to my 2 kids’ schools dressed like this for their Halloween parades and then hit up Target, also in costume. Didn’t care one bit.

Thank you! My employer is basically the textbook definition of a dick, so...everything they do here is a dick move.

I resent your employer for making the last business day before Halloween “breast cancer awareness day.” Dick move. There was every other say in “Pinktober” for that. You look very charming, though.

I work at a burger place at the moment (fancy one in a bar) and this is our pumpkin:

I sure do! Last year’s Fantastic Mrs. Fox costume. All handmade by me.

I’m being “Sexy Kim Davis.” Complete with “NOPE” rubber stamp. You have no idea how hard it is to make a corduroy jumper even come close to “sexy.” Especially when scowling! I did my best. Although I will press it before we go out!

“We are proud firearms owners, but I never felt the need for a concealed-carry permit until now,” Stanley said.

Not even gonna dismiss this, this is hilarious. I wish I knew who you were, so I could send this to your mother. And your employer. That would be great.

Starred, un-starred, then starred again.

Tell us more about your bacon fantasies.

I think they’re afraid that women have been getting too confident in themselves lately, what with alla this positive messaging. So now they’re scraping the bottom of the barrel to give us new things to feel insecure about. “Uhhh, wait... we’ve already done rectal bleaching, so we’ve accomplished making you insecure…

The problem that you most likely have is that your labia minora (inner lips) is protruding past your labia majora (outer lips).

Yeah, that’s pretty standard shit at a bookstore. I worked at a place that was about a block away from a Cheesecake Factory. Mom and two cute kids in the 4-7 range came in around 11 AM one weekday morning. Mom disappeared shortly thereafter and the two kids hung out in our kids section (which had toys to play with…

I used to work in a Radio Shack in a mall, back in the 90s. Now, a mall store at Christmas is hell on earth to begin with. And we were a mall store that sold toys, so square that. We actually had to take turns standing at the door to deflect children whose parents would drop them there and tell them “now you stay here…

God, this shit happened all the time when one of my ex-girlfriends worked at Borders. Because of the size of the store, they could never know if the parents were still there, but as the kid’s section supervisor it turned her job into a circus of apprehensive hovering when a toddler was just clomp-clomping around…