I’m kind of thinking Toys "R" Us might think the clarification here is not enough.

We're all gonna die.

This is terrible. And I hate to say it but I bet that smelled like SMASS.

Good. One more tiny price I will gladly pay to live in America.

UPS drivers rarely reverse. And very rarely turn left (in the U.S.).

If I could just find something to remove ink, I would have three more pairs of (expensive) pants to wear. I’ve tried just about everything. I’m convinced the ink in pens now is actually an alien secretion.

If I could just find something to remove ink, I would have three more pairs of (expensive) pants to wear. I’ve tried…

How about a slice of humble pie.

Except smokers smell like an armpit.

Wow.

It is impossible to sell ... at a public auction.

I know it is out of the writer’s control, but I find it funny there are three giant Facebook ads spread throughout this article.

Ah, Couvre.

Nickelback has pledged to only play acoustic sets with no amplification on their stadium tour. Bravo. Bravo.

Read this shit. No one will unfortunately, since I’m a lowly greyworm. I guess I don’t giz enough.

I bet Mark had the McNuggets with sweet and sour.

The Morrissey inspired version is not, uhhhh, it’s not good.

They did.

I now kind of want to see Julia Roberts as a black woman. Someone make that happen.

Damn. Duvet lung is right up there with puff knuckle, milk leg and bone worm.

I will just go ahead and let the cat out of the bag. I'm fat. Ham on whole wheat. Alright.