He was never friends with Derek Carr.

This has to win the award for:

Adrian Peterson knows what the difference is. Christ on a bicycle I just googled it for some reason.

It was in the menu at my local TB today.

This is an abomination. He’s dead to me.

Playing high schook baseball, I got hit in the nuts a couple of times by curveballs that didn’t break, but the best most embarrassing act was in left field. I made a diving catch in foil territory to the delight of the crowd. On the very next pitch to the next batter, a very similar looking ball was hit, and thinking…

I mean, it is a tech school.

Schefter’s Seltzer. So good you can’t say it three times.

Recently I had a few beers, while already dehydrated, and dined on some cedar plank grilled salmon. I woke up in the middle of the night with a splitting headache, and downed a 32 ounce fruit punch red Gatorade. As you might have guessed I hurled it all up. Not only was it nasty, but scary too!

Hope his okay now. My aunt lost the tip of her pinkie in a horrific stamping accident. She will never sip tea the same way again.

I mean, bruh, I bet Daniel Jones has never even had a beer, much less shotgunned one. Dude is sheltered for sure.

I had to stop at 3 comments due to nauseousness.

Please tell us about your Plex server and all of the music you will be buried with.

Let’s change the subject. Have you seen my show for children?

Whoa. Level 4 you say? UPS will be an Operating Thetan.

They TALK about not peeing in bottles. But actually pee in bottles.

No one would buy it. I tried to cook a feral hog once, and it was absolutely disgusting. And I know how to cook wild animals. These creatures are worthless.

Damn. He needs to just let the helmet thing go out the window. Like he did with his furniture.

There's a fungus among us.

Weird, those gloves fit just fine before being soaked in blood and drying.