I bet he grinded his feet in Jeff’s couch too.

Studies have shown that words beginning with or containing the letters C, K, or P are inherently more funny.

Nice.

Confucius say:

I can’t read.

I would say dropping acid a few times a year in high school and college is just “use.” Which means I abused the shit out of it. And it probably abused me.

It’s all good A. Even the queen of England takes a shit. Of course she is intelligent enough to have the curtain closers summoned if she slings poo next to a gigantic crystal clear window. And has buttwipers.

This is the same place that over-served me that night. This place sucks!

Current Vegas odds:

It’s fitting that when you click on his one Yelp review you get a pop-up saying the restaurant recently scored in the bottom 5 percent locally on food safety inspections.

I honestly think he just really really misses picking fights with and beating his wife.

Yeah, the great depression ...

How long is a typical rape sentence? Oh wait ... How much did he pay her? He may need the money. So about 70 years.

Anyone else Trumped out? I think I’m Trumped out. Good thing we won’t be hearing it until the next election happens.

Those texts are real. If you don’t believe me I am going to sue you for ten billion dollars. But we can settle out of court right now for 20 bucks.

Pop and I are not worried.

I’ll take the over on how many comments include the word “Pop” as though he is your bestie and doesn't have an actual name. Gabe is allowed.

I know his parents are wealthy, but the $17.6 million guaranteed to him over the first 4 years doesn’t hurt. Better to make the millions first, then do something worthwhile with it (so no politics). And the fact that touching a QB with a pinky is now an automatic touchdown and the ball on a free kick.

And with that overblown display of fake swag, he most assuredly will never play QB for the New York Football Giants.

Sometimes I wonder if you are working on a novella or descending into madness. Either way, keep it up! Wait ...