That would have been an impressive feat after biting on a cyanide capsule, shooting himself in the head, and being burned to cinders.

Think of it like this: the larger Mike is more like Darius Rucker’s solo work, and the smaller Mike is more like Hootie and the Blowfish. So whichever you prefer, they’ve got you covered.

Why don’t the apes wear clothes in the snow? Does the fact that they’re smarter than they used to be mean that they no longer feel cold?

“more than half of us”

You think it’s good that he’ll never finish it? Why?

Not gonna happen.

Played a little varsity ball, huh?

Satire?

Why don’t the apes wear clothes? I mean, a chimp walking around in the snow isn’t any more immune to frostbite just because it’s smart, so WHY AREN’T THEY WEARING CLOTHES?

Peyton Manning could cure cancer and it wouldn’t make up for the fact that he’s responsible for the perpetual fucking cottage industries of Bill Polian and Tony Dungy.

I love when Deadspin does its version of the NY Times trends section where a writer decides that a conversation overheard at a cocktail party and two stories from a coworker’s sister constitute and Important Trend that must be weighed in on.

What’s with all these people nominating uninsulated LL Bean duck boots as “winter” boots? They’re rain boots! Wonderful rain boots, but rain boots nonetheless.

What’s with all these people nominating uninsulated LL Bean duck boots as “winter” boots? They’re rain boots! …

Yeah, I’m pretty edgy, the way I understand and accept extremely basic scientific principles and research. But obviously you have a compulsion to keep throwing in one-liners to try and get the last word in here because you’re a little embarrassed about how this all turned out, so by all means proceed and you have a…

Thanks, I try. Stay woke, yo.

Jesus Christ, you’re asking if I’m 100% sure about 9/11 truthers, evolution deniers, and chemtrail weirdos. Yeah, keep pretending that you’re just asking questions.

I’m just not a dumb twat...

My beef is that you’re representative of a particular type of disingenuous boob who thinks that the fact he can’t/won’t understand the difference between basic science and his own anecdotal experience means that no one else should be able to either.

That’s such a handy rationale, isn’t it? Because a doctor can be wrong, you don’t have to acknowledge the vast amount of research and study that has gone into studying how and why vaccines work.

But you’re not smart enough to know that doctors have figured all this stuff out, despite your anecdotal experience and open-minded approach.

Even more open-minded! You’re too uninformed to actually know if they do any good, but you get them anyway.