i had a hearty internet-style chuckle when i saw “enforcement” and “NCAA” in the same sentence.

out of all the players that came through the cards farm system in the last 15 years or so i’m really peeved that pujols only spent three games in memphis. we were lucky enough to see a bunch of talent come through, but i don’t even think albert played in town...i think he was up for a road series. oh well.

any pro-life sermon or sunday school lesson will either start or end with a reference to jeremiah. god tells big daddy J that he’s known him from the womb, and that he has been marked with a special purpose.

i’ve definitely heard that noise more than once. and that was before i married my yankee ass wife, who also happens to be of jewish ancestry. my name went on a bunch of prayer lists that week i can promise you.

yup. although race would work quite fine as a reason to vote R, killing babies is all that matters to my family and other whackjob conservative friends.

your mom is a seven hose tool.

your mom is a seven hose tool.

Well, yeah. Don’t you think that’s interesting, though? That’s a story in and of itself. What was going on in the organization when one guy was ostensibly in charge but ownership was out kicking tires and interviewing replacements?

fuck alabama and everybody who loves it.

i would drive over to investigate but that’s in alabama so i’d rather have a toothpick crammed in my peehole.

whatever dude he was the second guy’s fourth choice. that’s entirely different.

have you seen that family guy where peter asks putin if they have x and putin says we have y instead? where x is cool and y is less cool? that’s what every rural mall in the south is like. i managed a shoe store for a year while planning my escape, and we would literally get merchandise from the previous year to sell…

gadsden, alabama aint ever seen a sbarro’s bro. that mall is goody’s, fashion bug, hibbett’s sports and a bunch of old fucks walking for their health.

i’ve never tweeted anything i would be ashamed of. my colleagues and family are appalled that i retweet known radicals like neil degrasse tyson and antonio french, but whatever.

damn that’s a solid kinja handle.

yea that hit on AB was a blatant shot to the face, and the person who checks on him is the fucking quarterback? tells you everything you need to know about their bullshit concussion protocol.

my brother in law used to build trailers, and one day he drove two nails through his hand with a nail gun. stupid fuck.

i had a woman stab me between the eyes with a shaker with about two minutes left in a close game once. i just asked her to stop shaking it in my face, and she got violent. so my girlfriend at the time tossed this whore down like six rows of seats. and then her boyfriend shoved my girlfriend. and then i...

“we’ve got kids over here” is code for “my husband is carrying and if you come one step closer we are all fucked”

best shower head ever.

best shower head ever.

back when competitive football was a thing we did in tennessee, you would get the 50-something tailgaters calling in to the postgame after a full day of makers and diet coke. you just know these stupid bastards are sitting in traffic somewhere around you within like a five mile radius of the stadium, and they’re so…