My husband and I just played the "what hole am I bleeding from?" game the other night.

Who knows what kind of emotional and physical state this girl was in? In all likelihood she was in a complete state of shock, even if she was aware of the pregnancy.. I know 17 year old me would have probably wandered around like a complete zombie, not knowing what the fuck to do or who to turn to. Poor kid.

The decision to keep my last name was probably 70% out of principle and 30% sheer laziness. My husband never pressures me into changing it, but he'll make "jokes" here and there about it...so I know it does bother him ever so slightly.
A big chunk of it is also that I've never meshed with his family. I don't really…

This would really simplify my Saturday nights.

"But she can still get pregnant again, right?"
This poor woman has been indoctrinated to believe that her sole purpose in life is to pump out baby after baby. It's completely abusive.

Don't worry, dude. You're more than making up for it. Has your wife's uterus ruptured yet?

"Proactive-shellacked faces"
I just spit out my coffee.

I was half asleep this morning and accidentally gave myself a horrendous Gretchen Carlson blowout.

I can't bring myself to watch the whole thing. Only got up to the 1 minute mark and I'm terrified. What part of her body is this? The surrounding skin doesn't look clogged.

Wow- I feel sorry for this woman. I'm lying here, 37 weeks pregnant, with a brownie and a huge glass of milk resting on my ginormous belly. And I couldn't be happier. Fitting into my pre-pregnancy jeans is the least of my concerns. For once in my life, I do not give a shit.

In Joe's defense, he's got all that poison inside him.

Basically.

One of the perks of being a nurse is that I can shit and fart at work without anyone raising an eyebrow. When your nostrils are inundated with the smell of bodily fluids all day it doesn't even matter. I don't know what I'd do if I had to work in an office. Too sterile for me.

I'm 34 weeks pregnant and joyfully contracting at the thought of a few guiltless beers. I've sipped my husband's here and there during the pregnancy, but I always felt nervous after the fact. My birth plan definitely includes a ton of sushi and a nice IPA postpartum.

It was even weirder when her boyfriend would visit and they'd bang to them. I'm not 100% certain that this actually happened, but those songs seemed to be on pretty frequent rotation. I imagine them climaxing together as the 2nd tower fell.

My college roommate used to listen to those 9/11 compilation songs while studying. You know, the ones with the news set to some Celine Dion single. It was really fucking strange. That coffee set would have come in handy for those all-nighters.

Age: 18 (thought that if I still carried around my virginity at 19 I'd just die)

-One day during the 12th week of my pregnancy where I peed my pants while puking. And then casually walked downstairs and ate a cold piece of chicken out of the fridge

7.5 months pregnant here. Can't...wait...