Panera should have one of those bagel slicing chutes, where you drop in the bagel and it pops out sliced. At the very least they should have a bagel cutter. They sell enough damn bagels each day. 

I spent a year working for Panera in college. Can confirm, they didn’t boil them then.

I’m a NJ resident and I know people mutter this all the time...but is there any real proof outside of him being suspiciously single for a long time? My lesbian gaydar is excellent but I’m terrible at picking out gay men sometimes.

Young and stupid and hurrying like crazy is how I did it. I was working in the kitchen of a Borders Books cafe, and I was trying to hurriedly slice a bagel for someone while simultaneously brewing tea, and I managed to distract myself long enough for the bagel/knife combo to get a taste for blood. 

This is NOT OK. Risk losing a fingertip and slice the bagel horizontally like nature intended.

I feel oddly better because when I first saw it was being rescheduled over suits, I got a little worried that it meant the ISS didn’t have enough suits for everyone, like a giant orbiting Titanic.

According to my son they also taste good based on specific dino shapes. He prefers pterodactyl shapes, and has swapped nuggets off my plate if he thinks his ratio of pterodactyl nuggets to inferior nuggets is off.

I opened this super excited that someone was making a broadway play about how The Learning Channel turned into “that network with all the freaks and pedophiles”. I’d watch the shit out of that show. 

Like why she has a ranch shirt? The closest her campaign has had to a viral moment was her speaking in a restaurant and being interrupted by some lady who was all “no not here for you, just trying to get some ranch”

My parents and I shared a hotel room while on a trip to look at colleges (I have no memory of my younger brother being there, but maybe he’d already fallen asleep?) and my mom suggested we rent American Pie.

It’s ok, when American (Nightmare) Dream opens at the Meadowlands it will make you nostalgic for this place.

How long until GR or one of their supporters defends their use of board member-businesses with “We can’t trust outside science!”

Gotta admit, I watched a few of the 90s eps too, and yea...there was something about the chemistry among that cast that made them feel more familial.

In an effort to make this not quite so Game of Thrones without dragons, I’m operating under the assumption the brother hacked her phone/stole the information.

I don’t live in GA so I mostly had vaguely positive thoughts on Stacey Abrams thanks to her excellent SOTU rebuttal.

Ah yes...when I started at Brandeis, my mom was all “Well, you have no excuse not to come home for Passover every year!”

Of course there was the scion of a world leader involved. They just need accusations of tax fraud to round out the cult bingo. 

Old WB actors! Liquor heirs! Stealking! I am hard pressed to figure out what else they could have done, short of also storing nukes in the basement next to a weed farm. 

I really, really, really want photos of Priyanka Chopra in a fake mustache and trench coat.

I am so, so glad I am not the only one who has that issue!