“Sentient Breadstick” was my old stripper name.

Saw this earlier and all I could think was that it looks like a sentient breadstick.

If this investigation doesn’t lead to trump being impeached, the little faith I have in our democracy will be completely dead.

thats because racism has not only been legitimized, its been deemed patriotism.

“chocolate diamonds”

She looks like she is about to shoot a porno

Every kiss begins with Kay, or you’re fired!

I love the name ‘Jemima’ but American syrup has ruined it for me, the same way American syrup ruins pancakes.

This is how my dog looks at cat poo.

He really should play a Civil War general in his next film. The hair and make-up team could coast through it.

Also please don’t assume you are a sex god because you do oral. I know what will get me off and guys be like oh you just wait until I get there and I’m like hahaha stop you’ll probably do it wrong. And they do it all wrong and I don’t come and they just can’t accept that their technique needs adjustment.

Tongue just makes me burst out laughing and that doesn’t usually go over so well.

Same. Could take or leave oral sex most of the time too.

Guys, we shouldn’t have made all those “American Horror Story: 2016 Election” jokes on twitter. Murphy took us seriously. Ryan...revisit this is twenty years, when we might finally be digging our way out of this shitshow, and I can actually appreciate the absolute what the fuck-ness of the last year.

I know I am going to sound ancient (which I am), but I think ScarJo simply hasn’t found a right man yet. It may take a relationship or three, but there are incredible people out there. Today marks the 21st anniversary of me getting married to one of these folks.

And don’t forget about the official inauguration prints!

Ryan’s too thin, maybe? Not that Trudeau is in anyway heavy, but an extra 5 pounds goes a long way to filling out the face and making it look more youthful when you get older.

I am a firm believer in indoor cats, to keep them safe and healthy. However, one of our cats ballooned up to a lazy fatapotomos. He was over 25 pounds, 24 inches in circumference, and couldn’t even clean himself. Imagine me wiping the shit off the butt of a squirming fat cat, if you will. We tried limiting his…