I was the nightmare. Late one night my roommate was asleep, and I was receiving a way-too-much-teeth BJ. Due to that and the excessive alcohol intake it took me a while to finish, but I eventually did. She was apparently a spitter, so she politely went to go run out into the hall bathroom. Mind you, my room was pitch…

A roommate I had in college would call his “bandmate” every day on the phone and play metal riffs on his guitar for him (he had a tiny practice amp.) It would be like this:

Cerave Hydrating Cleanser

Cerave Hydrating Cleanser

fuck off

There once was a girl from Nantucket
with talent as deep as a bucket.
She tried to “sound black”
and wrote songs like a hack
so they gave her a Grammy when they should have said “Fuck it.”

Ladies and gents: I’ve been here at Jezebel for a loooooooong time now and I would like to welcome you all to Jezebel Wedding Bingo. Here are some of your squares

-City hall
-Simple dinner with friends
-Marriage is pointless and sexist
-Engagement rings are sexist
-Wedding dresses are sexist
-Choosing to take your husband’s…

This asshole who wrote this asshole GQ article wants me to wash duvet covers! And I know you already covered this, Ms. Rothkopf, but let me back you up, GETTING A DUVET COVER OFF AND ON AGAIN IS A BLOODY SCREAMING NIGHTMARE. You have to tie its corners onto the duvet cover or it’ll scrunch up! I know this, again,…

It could be a poll titled “Which is the best reason to have a top sheet?”

I respect your stance, but I want to point out that putting on a new duvet cover on correctly takes me a million years, not 60 seconds. If I don’t spend a million years on it, the duvet gets all bunchy in weird ways inside the duvet cover and nothing, not even sharing a bed with a rabid hedgehog is more annoying to me…

Packages of sheets usually come with a fitted sheet, two pillowcases and a top sheet.

With the exception of this GQ article, the only people I’d ever met until now who didn’t use topsheets were men.

I think I’m doing ok! But thanks!

Get a real fucking job. Better yet, get two! You have the time because your kids don’t live with you!. You are a grown ass man, and the fact that you call yourself a writer does not excuse you from being responsible for the lives you created.

I actually had a soft spot for Logan.

If only regular taxi services were on time, cheaper, didn’t give me crap for going to the burbs or using credit cards, arrived when they say then will, don’t make me call surly dispatchers that may or may not send a car, not drive dumpy Crown Vics that smell like puke, I’d be willing to give up on Uber. Until that…

Perhaps the reason she wasn’t asked to perform is because the producers of the show don’t think having someone so unknown on their show would bring in any viewers. Money beats ism’s.

So, if you get raped by a stranger, don’t abort the baby because that’s bad, but we won’t acknowledge its existence when it’s born, either.

OHHHHHHHHHHHH it’s Melissa from pretty little liars. i didnt recognize her

This is also the End Times. I mean, this is a catalogue clothing company and they can’t donate money to the UN Women’s Fund for Women’s Equality because it causes moral outrage. In 2016.

Suburban white lady here...also mother to a child with microcephaly. Of course my son is a blessing! But it has been extremely difficult all 8 years of his life. We have a full time nurse, respite care provider, home physical therapy, occupational therapy, speech therapy, visual impairment teacher and visiting…