Part of my dad's mid-life Crisis involved him buying and making hats. My heart broke a little after he made a fedora and I had to explain that the fedora is the international sign of the douche.

"Who do you think you are, Ignatius Reilly?" is going to be my new favorite insult.

1) I don't consider Mardi Gras a Catholic holiday - I consider it a booze and cake-filled event.

Oh, the fact that it is called a Chinese auction with the implication that Chinese = cheap.

Yeah, throwing out your daughter's doll for being 'bad' doesn't sound traumatizing at all...

It's not a step in the right direction. A six-game suspension for hitting your partner is a joke. If they really cared about things like this, they would be booting people accused of domestic violence instead of giving them paltry punishments. Let's be honest, if that elevator tape never got released, I doubt Ray Rice…

I now demand a bra made out of Koosh ball material.

If the skirt was a wee bit longer, I would totally buy this look.

I think I would just spend the rest of my days touching those. Are they soft or stiff? Round or prickly?

As a native Hudson Valley person, you speak blasphemy about apples! I do not have enough information to make a complete list of Jewish holidays (all of my knowledge of and experience with Judaism comes from my Jewish friends), but for Catholics the list is like this:

This is what the #NeverForget hashtag was made for.

Birkenstock tried a 20% off sale last week (the logic being 9 + 11 = 20)

And for chocolate one per day for 25 days.

The only objection to this is what about the Epiphany, the only day of the year where your priest will sit and get drunk with you because Jesus?

I think Rosh Hashanah needs a higher ranking because apples and honey are the shit.

I think since it's the last year we can reasonably do family costumes without our kids hating us forever - we're going as the Pokemon gang. I'm going to be Misty, my husband's going to be Ash, boychick #1 is going to be Pikachu, and boychick #2 is going to be Togepi (since he will probably need to be carried anyway).

TBH, dogs would probably do a better job of commissioning the NFL than Rodger Goodell.

Next week: NFL hires small children, child abuse problem solved.

I'm really hoping this guy is not my ex.

That is hysterical!