Seriously, if pooping in water and sullying it is your fetish - do it in your pool. Or a kiddy pool. Or your own goddamn bathtub.

THAT's why I thought he did Space Jam!!

Watermelon vodka is delicious.

Even if she *was* fat, which she is not, it doesn't make her points any less valid. My husband has a belly, but he still pushes for access to healthy food for the poor.

Boo...you schooled me.

Ahem, that "man in red shirt" is Shaquille O'Neal, star of the greatest sports motion picture ever, "Space Jam". Check yourself :)

"She will also sprinkle peanut dust to get all the allergic kids"

I pictured you loudly whispering this to me, a la Jon Stewart. Bravo.

However, he does have some competition with his new neighbor from the South, Dr. Chek. That man is an impostor.

It is. It's apples that have the moisture taken out with a syringe and refilled with grape juice in another syringe. It's supposed to be a way to get your kids to eat fruit, but in reality that's like saying caramel apples are a way to get your kids to eat fruit.

Exactly. A lot of parents are averse to fruits and vegetables themselves.

Jesus, some people are insane.

Well, he did drop out of the APA, so there's that.

"It was an important day to have you" just sounds so wrong.

Also, if I wasn't terrified of window washers, window washer buttsex would be awesome.

Until I see that become a become a major motion picture, my case still stands.

But is it as lucrative as selling a novel about a virgin who falls in love with a billionaire in a non-specific industry?

Next you're going to say you have a 'color problem' because of all those powdered pigments they throw out at the end of fun runs ;)

Ugh, the Marilyn girls. My friend and I joke all that time that having the 'if you can't handle me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best' posted all over your social media pages is a surefire sign that you're some sort of unstable. I mean, no hate against Marilyn Monroe, but she's not exactly a role model in…

"although at this point, saying Audrey Hepburn is your style icon is like saying your favorite book is The Catcher in the Rye"