Is it too early to declare Jaden Smith the Most Interesting Person Who’s Ever Lived?

Come on. If it weren’t for the mentally ill, Lana Del Ray wouldn’t have any fans at all.

Hey. Nicki only ever said she stands up for independent women; she never said anything about poor, disenfranchised Africans.

Duh, it’s called “negging” and the guy with the fuzzy hat who’s not on TV anymore says it totally works.

Bronze-hued hemorrhoid in a red tie Donald Trump... Orange accretion of reptile smegma Donald Trump... Gelatinous mass of male insecurity Donald Trump... there is a world of comedy here.

Trump’s got nothing on Jimmy Carter. Dude’s 91 and beat BRAIN CANCER.

Scream Queens is already painful enough.

The reality is that there are times when children feel more comfortable expressing themselves in a same-sex environment. There’s nothing wrong or sexist about that; and kids should have that option.

Somehow I think Terry has found his muse, and Miley a photographer who really understands her aesthetic. A match made in, um... our nightmares?

I loved how Trump kept calling Carson “pathological” LIKE a child molester. He must’ve repeated the phrase child molester at least 8 times.

I don’t think I’ve ever been as high in my life as Yoko Ono is every day.

Now they’re forcing women to have MORE than one husband? One is already too many! I think China’s women have been through enough.

It has to be admitted that a trans- person has a different experience, and faces different challenges than, for example, a cis- woman growing up facing sexism and misogyny.

Of course Jeb! he likes Supergirl for her super-hotness; instead of her super-strength, laser-vision, or ability to fly.

It’s really not a big deal. Artificially-colored ingredients can only make fast food marginally more disgusting than it already is.

Are Heidi’s prosthetic buttcheeks even capable of shaking?

How can his skin be redder than his hair?!

I know what Rihanna is doing, because I’ve done it lots of times. She’s preemptively turning down an invitation to avoid the embarrassment of maybe never being asked. It’s okay girl.

I love how conservatives believe that simply addressing the problem of racism is itself somehow racist.

“And it’s NOT like Victoria’s Secret paid me to say this, either.”