Seriously. Why don’t the bags under your eyes look orange dipshit? 

“This is saying, somebody like me has a place in this industry,”

Real question, though: Would you accept $135 million if it meant you had to wake up next to creepy adult Omen child Jared Kushner every morning?

I’m just so sick of these guys whining about how “attractive” people get more positive attention. No shit. Welcome to the world. That’s shouldn’t be a revelation to anyone. What baffles me is their inability to see attractiveness as a package deal. Yeah, good looks are going to get you more swipes on Tinder or…

Bitch.... Michelle O accomplished more in her life BEFORE she became first lady than you and your whole tornado bait trailer trash family have ever even read about. Double Ivy League Graduate. Lawyer. Hospital Administrator. Mother. Go getter. Accomplisher of many things, not the least of which is to be married to a…

I’m sorry but does that little boys mother know that he has tattoos on his face and is she ok with that, or is he grounded forever?

I think she is more afraid of her old chin.

When the dominos begin to fall, and the punishments are meted out, there is only one that will suit Ivanka.

It’s the little things...

He seems to only have conceded the child sex ring in the pizza parlor part, not the idea that Hillary was involved in a child sex ring.

A D.C. pizza parlor that doesn’t even have a basement!

They often do little more than just give a prompt and then hold out the microphone. All those “journalists” are too craven to ever dare entertain the notion that they call someone out on their bullshit on the spot. There’s better money in being a glorified microphone stand.

Is randomly cunt-punching people really fun and relatable though?!

“Too much stoner humor?”

I hope he’s also lying about running for President.

Other things Marion Cotillard said*: