If you need to poop, definitely make sure you walk past the coach bathrooms and drop that deuce in the first class toilet.  Those fuckers have had it good enough, they deserve it. 

“Act like you’ve done it before” apparently only applies to home runs.

• “Evangelicals believe the expansion of Israel’s boundaries is important because it will trigger the end times. [Washington Post]”

The only problem I have with this is that the Jess and Nick storyline is the least funny and interesting part of the entire series. Cece and Schmidt or Winston and Aly are infinitely better anchors for this show. As sad as it makes me to say it, Zooey Deschanel is the weakest link in New Girl.

This is terrible design and you have every right to be confused.

“Everyone Is Leaving the White House” 

For you and all the cops/boot lickers in this thread - Fuck you.

When you put a fraternity on probation for shit like this, you’re not telling them it’s wrong. You’re telling them to not get caught next time. Fuck greek life.

It’s a joke, specifically about how people were worried someone (Foles or Bortles) would dethrone Trent Dilfer as the worst QB to win a Super Bowl.

Worst quarterback to catch a touchdown in Super Bowl history.

Jesus needs to find some better shit to do, because we have plenty of nurses to give flu shots.

God, U2 is so fucking overrated.

I worked as a server/bartender for 10 years. I have three small children. I stack my plates for servers because I know what a pain in the ass my table is for you. Deal with it.

My favorite thing about being a parent is all the amateur child psychologists that come out of the woodwork to tell you you’re doing it wrong. Fuck you all.

Finally, a way for people who do distance running to tell everyone about it!

Spoiler alert. 25 isn’t quarter-life because you won’t live to be 100.

“Not like this, though. Not like this.”

More like McACan’t, amirite?

Murray played in a “See You Jimmy” hat, and Federer played in a “See Your Jimmy” skirt.