Morris actually had to jump off his hoverboard when he approached a bump in the ground.

At least Monty Hall would have given his girlfriend the choice of which door to be thrown through.

So, it looks like we’ve finally discovered what it takes to get the police to prosecute someone for accidentally shooting a black man.

“Dylan DJOHAN, 23, Ashwin KUMAR, 23, and Waleed LATIF...”

I knew I shouldn’t have stapled all of that haunted bologna to that Bible and taught it how to speak. I am sorry everyone.

Fuck the HGH investigation, I want to know when Peyton Manning started injecting Don Knotts’s DNA.

Is..is...is that a tape deck I see in there?

So like lemme preface this by saying I really only come to Deadspin to make stupid jokes and sometimes make fun of the Gawker crowd and also to be like “Hey guys remember when this was just a vanity project for Will ‘The Man From Mattoon’ Leitch? Did he ever get to be grand marshal of the Bagel Days Parade?” But when…

And this is what holds the world record for farthest road trip ever driven.

You’re a dick.

Pretty smug for a guy whose headline and article don’t match. Have they played consistently since WW2? For 100 years? Who the fuck knows

This is just straight trolling at its finest. It’s a fucking portrait video of a landscape video on another phone. People are fucking savages.

Manziel ate dinner, gambled, and partied wearing a blonde wig, mustache, glasses, and hoodie, going by the name “Billy.”

Karakaş was allowed to return to the match after a brief tampon and ice treatment.

How about something ridiculously classic like a Model T or something? Would that be too expensive? It surely wouldn’t depreciate.

GOOD ON YOU for doing this!

As a fellow beetle driver, best I can tell is that it's often used because stock-purists at places like The Samba insist upon it because it looks stock. That "VW Engineers picked that and they know more than you," ignoring that new, high pressure FI line works fine with a carb and lasts longer. I re-hosed my own bug…