I know you're trying to make a joke, but that makes him sound so flaky. He just had so many layovers on his flight to Cleveland—he went from Phoenix, Arizona, all the way to Tacoma, Philadelphia, Atlanta, LA. You'd be cranky too.

Mother Jones had an article yesterday where they called up law enforcement agencies in NC and asked that same question, and it sounds as if the answer right now is pretty much 'Fuck if we know.'

I assume he's there to help Vin Diesel and the gang fastly and furiously cash in their Wyndham Rewards.

I once came home to a note taped to my front door that said, 'I see you out walking your dog all the time and I think you're really attractive, so if you want to get a drink give me a call.' And it had a phone number. And no name.

They'd probably confuse it with food made by Sam Worthington.

THAT MEDIA CONGLOMERATE HAS A FAMILY!!!

I'm partial to 'Why is it so goddamn hard to browse, Amazon Prime?'

I think every movie should have Carol Channing gunning down people for an excessively long amount of time.

I was gonna go with 'Capital city Tbilisi and formah membah of the Soviet Union, and we kahndly request y'all mind yuh Ps and Qs.'

NOPE.

Deadwood. Kidney stones. To be fair, I've been a little afraid of getting kidney stones since I was a kid for non-TV related reasons, but… Deadwood did not help.

Ohhhhh, Alexander Hamilton. I just assumed from the bronzed, leathery background on the poster that this was a musical about George Hamilton.

To quote Australian news presenter and international goddamn treasure Lee Lin Chin: "I'll die as I lived— alone by choice."

Sonny and Cher
Tim Conway
The Harlem Globetrotters

Goddamn. I would be totally okay with an entire season just being 10 different games of Charee MacDennis.

I did too. Hell, I wasn't even sure she was British, but it was the best I could do.

I'm neither athlete nor mathlete, but it seems that throwing a pass from point A (yourself) to point B (a receiver) while figuring out the angle and distance of point C (a defender) relative to the first two points is… exactly trigonometry.

I know this should not be my primary takeaway, but I bet Killer Mike gives the best hugs.

If it's really bad, a lot of times your vet can prescribe something for Thunderbitch-related anxiety.

I look forward to the inevitable follow-up post where we learn that Morrisey's novel has been cancelled.