She. Follows. ALL. The. Trump. Children.

So Joe Biden is running. I knew it!

Goddammit, I haven't even had the chance to make an 'I wanna dip my balls in it' joke about this guy.

Well, that makes it less fun. And arguably more terrifying.

I'm pretty certain the law in New York is one party consent for recordings. Sweet Democrat Jesus, I hope there's tapes.

Tangina 2020!

I was all set to make a 'Good luck, bakers, and don't f#*k it up' joke, but then I realized that I would one million percent watch a bunch of drag queens in the tent baking Victoria sponges and sassing off to Paul Hollywood.

I like this story a lot better when I could assume he was voluntarily stepping down to focus on his Norse folk-metal band, Muninn's Fyfe.

Great, now we're gonna have to spend the next 16 years listening to how the Clintons gave Mike Pence radiation sickness by luring him into stroking unsanctioned space junk.

I don't know who Rob Kardashian is; I don't know what he wants. If you're looking for an explanation, I can tell you that he somehow has money, but what he doesn't have is any particular set of skills.

It's exciting that this will be in IMAX, so you can see all the little details like the piece Ken Leung's makeup that's a quarter-inch wider than the rest because the Sharpie slipped, or that one spot in Medusa's wig where all the hairs melted together because she accidentally caught it on fire one Halloween when she…

As far as I know, it hasn't been an announcement, but there was an article from Business Insider (? I think?) that said that Univision plans to transition AV Club to Kinja sometime this summer to ensure a universally shitty commenting experience across all its properties (I may be paraphrasing).

Joke's on you, buddy, I'm commenting from inside my microwave!

I'm still not entirely convinced that Alex Jones isn't the culmination of a very, very elaborate hoax by Sam Kinison.

I hear you can make up to $15000USD/mo by being a rape victim. My neighbor Diane brought a Mclaren in just 3 months filing rape charges from home!

Thanks. It would be nice, but I guess I'll just have to get in the habit of (God help me) remembering stuff.

I've been wondering this for a while, and I guess this is as good a place to ask as any: does anyone know if you can get an RSS feed for a Disqus channel? I'm subscribed to the Avocado, but since I pretty much have everything set up to come through an feed reader, I forget it's there a lot.

They just busted the extra olives guys, right? We're still good for extra mushrooms and extra oregano?

'Let's just say these hackings moved me… INTO THE WHITE HOUSE!!!'

Is he not a McNugget pinata?