See, this is the problem with you damn libs. This is America, buddy— land of opportunity. Look at Louisiana. Look at Tennessee. Look at Wisconsin. With enough grit and bootstraps and determination,*any* state legislature can turn their public education system into a catastrophe of breathtaking proportions.

*Drinking_with_Skeletons leaves comment section, dejectedly whistling 'Sweet Georgia Brown'*

'Morbo cannot read his teleprompter. He forgot how to say that letter that looks like man wearing a hat.'

Or get them now with green creme de menthe, which has the additional bonus of getting you drunk!

I was super-excited to see Deathlok come back too (I may or may not have scared the hell out of my dog by yelling 'OH SHIT! MIKE PETERSON!' as soon as I saw the hand on the quinjet door), but I'm also concerned that this means the Law of Conservation of Black Dudes on TV Shows will come into play again and Mack will…

Ugh, the last thing late-night TV needs is another Whitesnake male.

That's right, cancer. Eat all of our shirts.

'The wrapper is a piece of the US constitution, and it was rolled by Queen Elizabeth during her wild years, and buried with George Burns until space mushrooms… well, you know the rest.'

If you look in the bathroom mirror and say 'Saul Alinsky' three times, Obummer comes and takes your guns away.

'Pirin tablets? You're giving her drugs now?'
'It's just aspirin with the 'A' and the 'S' scraped off.'

They'll kill ya five times before you hit the ground!

What Happened to the $6800 Dollars/hr You Made Working From Home, Internet?

Stupid CBS, moving stupid Thursday night games to the stupid NFL Network that I don't stupid get.

This is my local affiliate game and I'm strangely excited for it. SNF isn't the reliable source of trash fires that it used to be.

QUEEN'S ENGLISH!!! DO YOU SPEAK IT, MOTHERFUCKER?!?!?

Benedict Cumberbatch is Doctor Strange.

I find that it helps to mentally replace it with the 'Tennis Night in America' theme song from 30 Rock.

It's okay. I like having you around because you're the same blood type as me.

I vote this become the inaugural post for a new AV Club feature called, 'Fuck You, Internet.'

When Gerhardt was born, the doctor's said he'd either live for 15 minutes or a hundred years. I guess he proved them all wrong.