I love the concept of Fashion Police, but they’ve been failing at the execution, even when Joan Rivers was there.

Jake Locker wants in on that list.

Oh how I wish I was stuck in that traffic, stopped in front of those asswipes as the proposal was going on... I would have blasted a “La Cucaracha” horn repeatedly. Moment ruined.

And goddammit, can we please stop rising for “God Bless America” in the seventh? It’s not the national anthem. I’m not getting off my ass twice in one game to fellate the flag again.

That’s the part I don’t understand. If “you” believe God defines what marriage really is, then for what possible reason would you care how the State defines it? “God” isn’t going to count the marriage anyway, so “you” still win in the end.

Are you kidding it? I’m LOVING it. Fox News comments right now are more fun pages full of captioned cats. Look at some of these gems!

Dads, having more kids will not increase your dadness. You have a fixed amount of dad, and you have to dad it equally among all your kids. Just dad a small daddable group of kids, and each kid will get more dad. That’s just sensible dadmath.

Considering who’s in charge, it should come as no surprise.

He grinned at me, lifted his kilt and without even hesitating, flopped his sad, exposed wiener onto our stainless steel counter top.

I finished second in my grade’s spelling bee in 1st, 3rd, 4th, and 5th grades, losing all 4 times to the same kid.

I’ll be the bad guy. I fucking hate “superfans.” It’s more about them than the game and after about 5 minutes shut the fuck up already.

When her kids let their reptile starve to death out of apathy, I really, really, hated her.

No.

You don’t consider this a failure?!

I mean, real talk, it would make sense that they all lost touch with Uncle Joey. He wasn’t a relative, so after a while I’m sure Danny Tanner would’ve been like “Listen, dude, I’ve got three teenage girls in the house...You know this is weird, right? You gotta move out.”

OMG, same here! Sometimes I want to just get down and kiss the ground out of gratitude that social media wasn't a thing yet when I was a young gummy teenage wannabe with low self-esteem and boundary issues.

My son’s latest is DON’T JUDGE ME.

She sounds like my daughter...she sounds like my daughter...GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

*You don’t know shit about growing up in front of millions of viewers in a brutal industry and still trying to get homework done.