she has her billion dollar company to fall back on

THIS BABY LOOKS LIKE IT KNOWS TOO MUCH.

I think this is fanfic from one of the dudes that were so sorry that they had abortions.

A Juggalo. I would elaborate but I don't really think that's necessary.

How dare you imply that Jeremy Renner would ever move to Phoenix.

im at work

Mia is my cat's name, and believe me, I've tried to make her into an internet pop star. She's just not into it.

I wanted one of these so bad as a kid, and my parents wouldn't get it for me because they thought it was a stupid fad toy. Well, JOKE'S ON YOU MOM AND DAD. Puppy surprise is back and now I'm a 30-year-old with a salary and an unknown number of baby puppy-sized holes in my heart.

Hey, I like "Silly Love Songs"!

I really think it all depends on how well your baby can hold their liquor.

um

at least newt tried to give us a moon colony

God didn't want us to know the diaphragm failed and we're a complete accident, so God made up a nice, romantic story to tell us about how and why we exist.

remember

I wouldn't be so sure about that. I've read that c-sections strongly increase the risk of autism.

Bad advice. When people address their sanctimony at me, I get the uncontrollable urge to run them over with a bus.

Pitches love vibrato.

Hey, there's no need to be so fucking classist. These aren't "tuxedo cats"; they're just dressed reasonably: it's after five, and they're not farmers.