Good grief.

Or, perhaps, it’s not a “trap”?

Damnit, Hamslicer - Stop naming nuts!

I’m also very happy to announce that with this, Maggie is going to be one of Jalopnik’s regular columnists. She spends most of her time writing novels but expect to see a lot more of her writing here soon!

My submission for double creature (which really should be called creature feature.)

Jon came first. But when she started to really get going, he came back and inserted himself into the situation. The two had some fun together, then he let her finish.

I predict that this song will be used on So You Think You Can Dance.

A negative pregnancy test when you’ve been trying to get pregnant for years.

I can only sleep on a bed made of whipped cream, so I get it.

Jamie Layton’s story reminds me of a famous story I heard when I was working at a regional theater festival.

I went out with Conor Oberst a couple of times. The sex was meh, but I broke it off when he came over to my parents’ house for dinner and pretended like he didn’t know what a potato was. It was obvious to everyone that it was just a shitty joke that he refused to abandon, and my dad eventually kicked him out. I mean,…

This is why I report on celebrities and not things that actually matter.

Excuse me. Sorry to bother you. I just have to tell you that the answer should have been Dayne. I love her voice.

Fidelity.

Mainly what I got from this article (before I blacked out with rage) is that I AM SUPPOSED TO BE A MILLENNIAL??!?!!!

NO. NO. You can binge watch all the time. It's NOT SPECIAL.

Yeah but my house has one major advantage over Kylie Jenner's: no Kardashians or Jenners live in my house.

I'm 31, with a master's degree, my husband is finishing up his PhD, we have a child, and we live in a 2 bedroom apartment. The American dream is dead.

"Sorcia, I'm in love with your best friend [a dude with a hilariously ridiculous name that I cannot post here]. We're moving to Virginia and I hope you'll be happy for us."