A pillow hitting you at 20 g’s and a 250-lb linebacker hitting you at 20 g’s seems...different maybe?

Most people treat god as a catch-all for “this event in my life did not go according to my expectations, surely some higher invisible power is the explanation for it instead of some rational reason.”

Now there’s some solid local humor. Well done

Guess it depends on if the 12-pack counts as 1 or 12 items

and THEN as his two teammates were dicking around with the ball in front of the goal, he slowly backs away from the action FOR NO REASON. Give them some help!

First thing I thought of too. “One of the big scary black guys hit me, unc-y! I didn’t do anything to deserve it!”

I love American liberals. Literally no convictions they won’t throw to the wind.

It makes sense that since they’re playing in February most of these teams are in the south but then...Salt Lake City? Good lord, have fun with that. 

Because he was a five-star recruit coming out of high school, bruh! It doesn’t matter that he was total trash at PSU (I’m a grad there) and never developed at all, FIVE STARS!!

I had the EXACT SAME thought process. It’s clearly Travis, but he would be so happy to win and add to his victimization shtick.

I don’t normally laugh out loud at comments, but this was a damn fine joke.

I mean, you have to get arrested for this, right?

Agree with Pittsburgh. I live here and do analytics work so I was selfishly sorta hoping it would come here just so I could negotiate a raise to stay at my current job :) But seriously there is a ton of data talent here thanks to Carnegie Mellon and Pitt and it would’ve fit well. 

If that happened, could you IMAGINE the volume of piss balloons that would be raining down from the Azteca crowd?

Solid troll job on the rap song. It was terrible AND had almost no math in it.

Do religion if it adds something to your life, but claiming it’s the ineffable, infallible truth and prepare to be mocked

Yes I’m personally sick of the hundreds of stories that reporters are cranking out about Eric Reid now that he’s back on a team.

But unfortunately they have lots of rich middle-age white children who are more than happy to retain the status quo.

And despite their new morals being completely tainted and terrible, they’ll continue to go to church and post Jesus memes/inspirational pictures to their social media to pretend that they still have half a shit about that stuff and the teachings.

I live in Pittsburgh, and most people fucking hate PSU and ESPECIALLY JoePa. So this is a perfect Trump quote.