Lol “automatic citizenship”

Seriously I live in a place where people of considerable age all have like chunks of their ears and shit missing from sun cancer. I’ll take my chances. ETA: Haha sun cancer. Skin cancer, most likely sun-related.

Also it rhymes in an R. Kelly type of way so he can remember it

That too

Kind of insane to have to be that vigilant as a consumer. IS MY SUNSCREEN KILLING MEEEEE?

I was saying boo-urns

The Little Richard impersonation was sooooo great I will never get over it

*eyes rolling out of my head*

Trying to make a joke in 2016 without offending someone

Make it a kitten sandwich

Uh yeah.. I got that part. Literally. Christ, pet a kitten or eat a sandwich.

🙊

:(

Yeah. I didn’t “sleep around” or have unprotected sex up the wazoo and I still don’t know how I got the herp. Derp.

I think it’s a bug that’s been cheating with another ass.

You do realize the blog is ADEQUATE man, not PERFECT man, right? :-p

It’s true. Let’s all save our disdain for serial cheaters who make no effort to address their behavior or think they are “playing” someone. Not anyone who has ever made a mistake in their life.

Seriously. I have cheated when I was younger and had impulse control/intimacy problems. Enter therapy + growing the fuck up = the most stable and solid relationship of my life. Couldn’t be more content.

Eh, agree to disagree.

Can we talk about kids in first class? WHY IS THIS ALLOWED