I just got that scene from Stand By Me stuck in my head. The pie-eating contest where Lardass drinks castor oil beforehand. The pies everyone threw up were blueberry.

MY “revenge body” was simply to stay the way I was while my ex got fat. Seriously!

Those and the cute red lipstick. The song can go die in a fire.

Adam Levine is reason enough to despise...well, any song he sings, pretty much. The man is a human-shaped oil slick.

Well, if that’s the case, then maybe men shouldn’t be let outside the home to work, attend school, etc. After all, we wouldn’t want their horndogginess to run away with them!

Dear guys: Either you have superior rationality and logic, or you have zero control over your horny-ass hormones. Pick one.

They “can’t see him doing that” because he literally never did it to any of them. He saves that side of himself for the poor black folks’ part of town. It’s like some people have never heard of compartmentalization, which this is a classic case of, among other things...

So hilarious that the Nasty Pest is showing its true (dull, Harperite) colors this way. They’re as petulant as their Dear Leader. And a good reminder of why nobody here misses him...

This reminds me so much of that Anglican priest who fell, naked and bum-first, on a potato.

Wow. I love growing tomatoes (nothing tastes better than a homegrown fresh-picked one, still warm from the sun)...but this? YOW. I’m guessing trollface whacks off with a handful of ketchup.

I think it might be a roll of flesh that appears around your wrist when you’re wearing too-tight cuffs?

That photo. It speaks to me.

I’ve never been so proud to be Canadian. (sniff)

Surprisingly, they gave me toilet paper when I asked. So that’s what I’m writing this on.

DEM BOOBZ.

Cruz’s habit of donning a paisley bathrobe and walking to the opposite end of their dorm’s hallway where the female students lived.

With garters!

I only know one such, but she seems like a dozen.

This is some IgNobel winning shit right here.

Guns should actually be much harder to get than abortions...but still, this is a great start. More power to her!