But I feel like he’s a really considerate abductor, ya know? Only wanting $8,500, returning her after 2 days, stating that police should apologize. Probably 3/4 Canadian.

Makes more sense than Trump did.

We went to my cousin’s baby’s baptism and she cried and wailed throughout the whole thing (my cousin had a wobbily smile the whole time) & the priest said “Calm down little demon.” It broke the tension and everybody cracked up. The baby was fine she was just teething.

No. You should watch the documentary the Lion King. When lions appear as ghosts to tell you something important they do so as clouds.

my ghastly evolved into a haunter bc both ghosts and evolution are real

My fluffy pumpkin, Castiel. Also responds to commander chub chub.

Dog pics? OKAY. My dog is the best, because he’s a horsedog.

A friend is a dancer for an NHL team, and she loves it. She loves dancing, she was a cheerleader in high school. It is a huge time commitment, she also works full time, volunteer coaches young kids, but she really, really loves her role as a dancer for the team. She is an amazing ambassador for the team, and is hugely…

This may never be seen, but:

I’m curious what companies would want an inflight employee who knowingly tried to put their company in a bad light. While the harvard kid will probably land on his feet, he’s still got alot to learn about how to facilitate change within an organization.

It’s sad, but not at all surprising. I’m a small business owner, and many of my suppliers are men. About a year ago I created the alias ‘Dick Berns’ to use in purchasing. Since then I’ve found that on average my orders ship 2 days faster and cost 6% less when the person on the other end of the transaction thinks that…

My parents owned an apartment building and one of their best tenants fled overnight after being assaulted by her boss at work. She left nearly everything behind and later called my parents to let them know why. I often helped my parents at the apartments and my sister and I cleaned after people left. It was the late…

No, I simply have a different perspective. I am a special education teacher and spend my days with children who are in the process of realizing that other people are smarter than them.

Cats should be kept indoors at all times. It increases the lifespan of cats, improves the health of cats, and keeps them from destroying native wildlife. Also, I really do not understand why cat owners and cat owners alone have the right to let their animals leave shit, dug up landscaping, and dead birds all over your…

Huh, that gif cuts out my favorite exchange from the entire series so far.

“They’re not robots, Rick!”
“It’s a figure of speech Morty! They’re bureaucrats, I don’t respect them!”

I miss the olden days of Jezebel when discussing weight / measurements was frowned upon, to the point where top commenters would call you out for pretty much any comment in this long thread. Now we’ve got like 20 comments in a row where people explain their own measurements and opine on which height / weight…

It’s weird to me that the Guardian only quoted half of his Rita Ora reference and left out the far more apology-worthy part. The full quote isn’t just those two lines, there’s also “Kicked the bitch out once cause she bitched out, spit my kids out/Jizzed up all in her mouth and made the bitch bounce”.

remember the SAT was re-designed because girls were scoring higher than boys

Exactly right, and the word is not an amalgamation of ‘clitoris’ and ‘glitter’, it’s ‘clit’ and ‘glittering’ - or rather, in Swedish, ‘klitta’ and ‘glittra’. The corresponding English verb would consequently be more like clittering, or maybe just clitter, for short.m

This is unrelated to the entirety of this post, but this motherfucker keeps banging his credit card on the bar for the bartenders attention. He’s also blocking her and her barback’s entrance. I just feel the need to publicly shame him.