Soccer Susan will be the one who calls the cops on a ref she doesn’t agree with. 

Not a good boy, just another corrupt TSA agent “confiscating” things for personal use.

Rudeness is a side-effect of cowbell overload

Cheap wheat bread has a weak enough flavor to be a proper backup singer, while having a strong enough texture not to ball up in one’s teeth while the peanut butter roams lawlessly sticking to one’s mouth.

There is nothing wrong with pairing nuts and chocolate, but then you have made a turtle cookie or a trail mix cookie, etc.  Throwing nuts in the batter and then just calling it ‘chocolate chip’ sets people up for disappointment or even a trip to the hospital.

For federal purposes, North Africa is also Caucasian.

Gymnastics is done barefoot; you can stop risking foot-drop at any time.

Only the aftertaste, especially the obsolete lime flavor that people who have never used cleaning products seem to love so much.

That was pretty hard to follow.

Then he really shouldn’t have been handing out floss.

if you are starting a diet and want to convince yourself that brownies are now bad.

It’s like the designer couldn’t decide between v-neck, boat neck, and pealing the banana neck

Faulty kidneys give you a puffy face; a faulty liver gives you jaundice.

Yes, they should have specified the contestants as factory-made

A gold digger that ended up with a condemned zinc mine

But did she have anything to do with the flavorless “strawberries” that make it impossible to buy strawberries from conventional supermarkets?

This is because he wants to be immortalized in song. Swift’s shtick is that she writes a diss track for every cute boy, bestie, or journalist that snubs her. 

I had been thinking of IPAs as the new dry wine/black coffee - that people pretend to like because that’s what the ‘adults’ are drinking.

Harry & David is the consolation prize for basic contestants.

Just imagine the horror, though, of having soggy formerly crunchy cookie bits, milk, AND walnuts in your mouth.