Maybe we can both go back an save the cake, at least :)

Yeah, I got a lot of fun stories. I always said my biggest accomplishment in life was I avoided becoming a serial killer. 

I normally go home to Omaha for my birthday, even though I live in Chicago. My brother and sister and I always go out to an amazing dinner. We went to my favorite restaurant, that serves the best steak frites I’ve ever had, and everything was going well until my ex-boyfriend’s current girlfriend sat at the table…

This may not be seen because I’m gray, but my wife and I were just debating last night which one of us had a worse one (I say hers was worse, she says mine) so the timing just seems too perfect not to put it out there:

Every time I read one of your posts on here it's something else horrible, are you ok dude? And I thought sudden cardiac death was a heart attack but I'm not gonna google the difference and give my self something else to worry about. 

My 21st birthday.

My birthdays are always awful, because my narcissistic witch mother always does something genuinely terrible to me/about me/behind my back, simply for the joy of fucking my life up. Still, the birthday where I was headed out to dinner with my boyfriend of ten years and as we walking out the door he literally dropped…

In 6th grade, I had a small party with a few friends at a skating rink. It wasn’t like a “party”, we just got dropped off to go skating and none of our parents stayed.

My worst was my 6th. It was my first year in school and so the first one where a bunch of kids were invited. And a lot of kids showed up. Sounds good, right? Problem was my alcoholic mother was in no way equipped to deal with a houseful of little kids and parents she didn’t know. So she was taking frequent trips to…

Last year on my birthday, after a lovely dinner at a fancy restaurant, I had a heart attack on my way out the door; ended up flat on my face on a Beverly Hills sidewalk. Worst. Birthday. Ever.

This is a common tactic of certain people who think that throwing unrelated issues into an argument makes their argument stronger.

Can you call it a pleasant surprise when someone is convicted of rape?

Fuck him straight to hell.

My mom used to warn me about getting myself into a bad situation.

Oh man, this hits close to home. I was taken advantage of by a man who was 14 years older than me. I was 21, in a physically abusive relationship, isolated, and he was my next door neighbor. He was kind, good-looking, and would listen to me, and one night he pushed himself on me while we were sitting out on my deck. I…

I’m not sure if the internet has made us dumber or if it just amplifies the voice of stupid people making us seem dumber but it’s disconcerting.

By all expert accounts, live births following abortions are not actually a thing that happens, and according to attorney generals from around the country, not a single physician has ever been charged with or even suspected of denying medical care to a live-born infant after a botched abortion.

Mitch McConnel wrote an op-ed for the Kentucky Courier-Jornal that pretty well outlined the new tactic: “The American people deserve to know whether their senators stand with vulnerable children struggling for life.”

I wish a fellow legislator would add to this bill, requiring foster care training and certification for all fertility clinic employees. It will easily illustrate how dumb this is.

Lol. We all know he’s just trolling us. I’m undergoing IVF right now and the idea that my eggs in the lab are persons is laughable. Any idiot knows that fertilized eggs are the equivalent of like...a roux? In cooking? Sometimes they’re the solid basis for the baby sauce, and often they just go to shit and don’t amount…