(hits CTRL-F, searches for the phrase KANGAROO JACKED, sighs, shuts laptop closed)

America had never seen anything like Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon

It's 2017.

Holy shit, don't let these dudes get ahold of copies of Strangers With Candy, they'll lose their goddamn minds.

Lies.

“Conquer and breed! Kill the white man and take his women!”

Just put them all in one big giant tent - festival goers and creators alike - and set the fucker on fire, they are all indefensible garbage people.

God bless Pizza Week for landing right when I was in-between paychecks, I ate like a goddamn king.

And I totally was and you're totally right: for the 10 seconds I was able to play Dragon's Lair before I got killed, that shit was totally bonkers.

Tipper Gore is FURIOUS.

I think the general consensus on Dragon's Lair is that it's a motherfucker due to limited time windows to make your decisions and also I'm not paying goddamn fifty cents to play an arcade game in 1983, you're out of your goddamn mind.

Goddamn it Atlus, it's 2017, let me queer off with Yusuke.

I almost wanna say "Don't forget David Cage's games like Beyond: Two Souls or Heavy Rain," but I totally wanna forget them.

1993 was around the time when the "Interactive Movie" idea was starting to become a thing. It didn't take off whatsoever. Night Trap at least wrapped it up with a security camera concept so it made a little more sense than sitting in a theater holding a box with a YES and NO button on it or whatever.

My favorite Don Rickles roast was a clip of him roasting Mr. T, but he takes a moment to talk mad shit at a pre-teen Ricky Schroeder as ruthlessly as he went after everyone else. Brutal.

I sill appreciate the Somthing Awful forums because I'm old and Reddit's layout is absolute nonsense.

In retrospect, you watch this show for Ed O'Neil's downright Shakespearean performance. Dude always sold it 110%.

Peggy. Hill.

NO RICHARD MASUR, NO DICE.

I mean, the first was a cynical cash-in capitalizing on nostalgia-starved assholes in their 30s with children desperate to relive their childhoods in defiance of death, were you expecting something respectable?