Dogs everywhere were too busy licking their own butts and could not be reached for comment.

That entire first section lead me to expect a punchline....

How could she have a surgical abortion if she was only 1-2 weeks pregnant? Don't they need to do an ultrasound first to confirm a uterine pregnancy? (At least they did when I had an abortion 10+ years ago). They also told me I had to wait until at least 6 weeks (from LMP) to have the procedure.

George will not be making this a royal habit.

But the joke went on too damned long and stopped being funny (like many SNL sketches).

I wanted to star it because it made me giggle. Then realized that would make me a liar.

So do 5 million others.

Even sugarshit is half sugar!

This has always been my favorite version of a unicorn farting a rainbow, mainly because the unicorn looks SO DISTRESSED. I can't help laughing. It's like it's thinking "THIS IS NOT GOING ACCORDING TO PLAN!"

His misadventure immediately raised security questions

Betsy is a diminutive of Elizabeth, so there really aren't too many birth certificates with "Betsy" entered as the legal first name. There are probably more parents CALLING their baby girls Betsy than Khaleesi (Not that there's anything wrong with Khaleesi! I'm happy to shake things up.). Also, when I encounter…

Yes, but that's mostly due to my personality.

No, I don't get to demand anyone's involvement. But you don't get to call me a monster or a bridezilla if I'm no longer interested in maintaining a friendship with someone who thinks their disinterest is more important than my happiness. And just for good measure, since everyone keeps acting like I didn't already…

The 50-year-old "Pirates of the Caribbean" actor confirmed the news days after he was spotted wearing a woman's engagement ring on his left index hand, which set off speculation that he was to wed Heard.

girl get yourself a tailor! there is NO reason why anyone commenting on this page with clothes-fitting woes should not have incredible style if they have a good tailor in their lives. YES, it costs extra money, time and inconvenience. YES, this means i actually buy fewer clothes to make up for the extra tailoring…

If there's one thing Satan is well known for, it is being exceedingly polite during uncomfortable social situations.

The whole bible is an incorrect interpretation.

My company has an entire department that deals with Mission Related Investing. The folks in that group research hedge funds, mutual funds, and etc. so that they can recommend them to our non-hypocrite clients; the ones who care where their money is invested, want it to be in-line with their vision, their ethics, and…

I would like to know why they passed on the band name, "Triple Threat." Was it just too obvious?