I live near the 7-11 that sells the most Slurpees in the world (Kennewick, WA) their Slurpee selection is crazy.

Whiskey works better

“Note: Taco Bell is not considered edible”

Gas station sushi is my go to. 

How many bowls of Colon-Blow? 

They are OK but you will pay the price in the morning. 

Cant wait to hang that award on my wall. 

I have heard other people complain if this, but I have never had an issue...I don't know what the difference is. 

You are obviously way too qualified to manage a Hardee's

How do you feel about nourth/south peanut butter cups? 

I feel that would just water it down

I only moved the goalposts after I scored though. 

“I’m only testing products with a wide national distribution”

Oh I forgot to tell you I often make up words as I go along.

The ketsup in that bottle is a bit watery though. 

An article about the McDonald's of beer and how they taste like the McDonald's of beer and then everyone comments that this shit is the McDonald's of beer. 

“Feel free to take away my hipster card. I don’t need it anymore.”

Side note: I have never been to a bad that had Heineken on tap, and I have been to alot of barfs.

You need to own your implanation.

How the hell did you get just one slice of cold cut on your Subway hot dog when all of the cold cuts are presliced and preporportioned and you literally stand there and watch them make your hot dog.