Hitchcock, apparently a huge asshole to Tipi.

Pretty much. It's very . . . Orange is the New Black. In the sense that there's a presumption that we wouldn't give a shit about this situation if we weren't seeing it through the eyes of pretty blond girls.

What if she had sensitive information on the phone? Like a work email that was already logged in, and had trade secrets?

Sounds absolutely wonderful! I love that kind of day. Enjoy the rest of it!

I kept reading polish week as Polish week, in which case I imagine the prep is less manicure and more:

I smelled an app starting to burn and grabbed the sizzle plater out of the broiler.. No towel, no tongs. I stopped to find one of those gloves we never used,it it on, put ice in it, kept working. The blisters on my fingertips were spectacular lol.

"She tourniquets her arm at the elbow with an ice pick and towel, washes the blood off, puts the offending knife onto the gas fire, heats it to a nice brick red and...wait for it...cauterize her own arm."

No, not Loft. I think that's J. Crew. They carry in online but not in stores.

So this man walks into a psychiatrists office wearing nothing but saran wrap. The psychiatrist takes one look at the man and says "I can clearly see your nuts".

OK, wait, you're totally fucking with us, aren't you? Shit, when you troll, you COMMIT.

"Oh! Well! Looks like you found those bread rolls after all. Wasn't that hard, was it?" I then took a skewer out of one of the pieces of tempura, and plunged it finger deep into her eyeball.

You know, I really don't see why it's necessary to make fun of someone for confusing tempura vegetables with bread rolls. They could easily look pretty similar from a few feet away, and not everyone is familiar with Japanese cooking. Plus, there are plenty of restaurants in America that have little American touches…

I don't know that there's any one way to do it. I certainly didn't wait until college to start drinking and was pretty used to a beer by the time I got there but things still...escalated.

Thank you! Actually, now that you mention baking cookies... Maybe I just bake myself a massive cake and decorate it any way I like. Whoo hoo!

You are right, I should just let go of the idea that is HAS to be anything. I managed Xmas on my own, and it was awesome, so I don't even know why NYE suddenly freaks me out so much! I think it's just that moment when the fireworks go off and everyone meets up outside to hug and kiss, sigh.

here's my advice:

Champagne is my favorite holiday tradition. And company.

My best friends (one in NYC, one in DC, one in San Diego) surprised me and showed up here a few days ago and we got to open presents together today and everything was wonderful. <3