I knew better than to admit my lack of belief to my parents. Santa was good to me, I wasn't going to stop that gravy train...

sometimes I think I should have children to use them as an excuse.

I am not a mom and dress like this all the time. Food stained pajama wearers, unite!

This is like 80% of the reason I am terrified to have a child. The other 20% involves pregnancy. That shit just ain't right.