Alternate headline:

Remember the press conference Romo did when Dak was announced starter - completely selfless and humble. He and the club have had a very respectful relationship over the years. The Cowboys want him to find a greener pasture.

Oakland doesn’t want the franchise, which means it’s quantitatively less valuable than herpes.

That’s the one - one of the most cogent pieces of longform reporting I remember reading. It’s one of the reasons I subscribed to the Times. (Also, it was the early morning hours of November 9. So.)

I have an issue with beer. A small quantity can’t hurt a dog. I’ve brewed several dozen batches before and I’d bet this “nope” came from hops (the raw flowers), which are indeed extremely toxic to dogs - hyperthermia, if I remember correctly.

Good thing nobody will be watching on television to see the players not kneel or otherwise protest.

Fox reports the White House learned about Sessions’ Russia contact from the press.

SNL is live again this weekend.

This is from GWB’s ethics lawyer:

We’re just over 40 days in and already we’re at perjury.

So, this is a complicated situation. Washington Post just broke a terrific story we should all read for perspective:

Fuck you, because you secretly know you would move there if you could.

Fixed that headline for you.

61 is way too fucking young for anyone to die.

So, Moonlight won the Electoral College vote while La La Land won the popular vote?

Seriously. I thought he was having a stroke.

- fixed that headline for you. This was a shit sandwich, start to finish.

Please, please, please, Alec Baldwin: stand in for Trump.

Michael Shannon, Nocturnal Animals. Michael Shannon is clearly an insane person and they should probably give him an Oscar before he kills us all with his death gaze. For all I know, he’s standing outside your window right now, ready to break in and strangle you.

Dear Sean Spicer: if you’re looking for the leaky phone, it’s in the Oval Office around 6am every day.